How I Learned How to Forgive, sort of...
I'd like to thank God, the Universe,
the Holy Ghost and all his unholy friends for the lessons on
forgiveness. But it's now time to stop, really. I'm okay. I get it.
And I need a break.
The only reason why I think these
incidences keep coming up is, I'm not very good at forgiveness. I
mean, I'm not bad. Some might say, I'm very good! Because I can talk
to my ex of 6 years after he cheated on me or because I have let go
of my previous Waldorf experience.
But these kinds of forgiving deeds
takes a lot of work. I journal everyday. And liken it to exercise,
while it may feel good or self-indulgent in the moment, its effects
are cumulative. I also read and listen to what is commonly referred
to as “New Age” or “Self help” books – a lot.
Those are my greatest addictions,
writing and reading those types of books. I like to make fun of this
genre and I understand why folks are utterly turned off by that kind
of material. But after I left home for college, I needed it. Also,
reading about forgiveness and how to be a more compassionate person
was much more my style than say, therapy.
I can't afford therapy and to be
brutally honest, reading or listening to a book feels much more
active to me. It's more private, too. And for whatever reason, I was
drawn to a better way of thinking. I didn't want to be so negative
(ah the teenage years), and I had some challenging experiences that
needed sorting out before I had ever hoped of becoming a functioning
adult.
So when the Waldorf
thingy/firing/fiasco hit me like a softball in the face, I was
already primed and ready for this next “lesson”. At the same
time, everything that I thought I learned flew out of my mouth like
teeth from a bad dream.
I found this quote and I don't care if it's from Gandhi, it sucks.
“The
weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
~Mahatma Gandhi
The reason it sucks is, if
you are feeling horrible, the last thing you want to hear is you are
weak. I understand what Gandhi is saying, but I'm just sayin' the dang
thing is probably taken out of context and don't expect to read a few
quotes on forgiveness and feel better either.
Oh, I wasn't going to
expect that, you might say. But! We are living in Prozac Nation Smart
Phone times and I'll be the first to admit that I expected to get
over my silly firing a lot faster and easier than I did. Maybe even
more so because I had been such a “good student” of New Age/Self
help books...
But it took time. I think a
lot of forgiveness depends on the situation. Are you forgiving many
people? Or one person? Family? Husband? Coworker? There are so many
shit storms and the one you may be dealing with could be the perfect
combination of Knock Me On My Ass, in which case, you just have to
see what it is about this situation that is making it so difficult to
move on.
Seems obvious but I think a
lot of people wrestle with problems and give up too soon and pretend
everything is okay or moan, groan and bemoan some more about it until
they are dead in the ground. Look there are days when I just listen
to “Self help” lectures all morning or night. Does this make me
weak or strong? All I know is it feels nice to continually give the
brain something positive and uplifting to feed on.
Or when I'm depressed, I'll
listen to something or read something to help me remember to not be
such a downer. I don't know what will work for you, but this is what
works for me. I need constant reminders on how not to be an asshole.
But like I said, this is important to me – I want to attain Buddha-like enlightenment. It's just one of those strange things that is a
hobby of mine.
I don't think “self
improvement” is something you can read about once,
twice, thrice, and never have to read about it again. I mean, maybe,
for certain folks, but not me. I want gratitude, forgiveness, and
kindness to be habits, you know? So I guess this means the lessons
won't stop. Gah!
Hi Lani
ReplyDeleteEverything is a process! I get a bit tired of that simply because a process can be time consuming - like in years! What immediately popped into mind reading this post was the phrase, "You teach people how to treat you." When I heard that being said to kids during a bullying prevention workshop, I just about leaped out of my skin. It's like victim blaming, and I pretty much can't stand for that. I turned that around to, "People are teaching me how to treat them." While I no longer fully reject the first premise, there is a balance between the two. Power isn't all or nothing. Neither is forgiveness.
I love it. Lately that quote, "You teach people how to treat you" has been presenting itself to me and so I started thinking, "What have I been doing? in xyz situation?"
ReplyDeleteBut I love your turn around quote. Cause the former quote does make you run around in your head but the latter is more like a stand still moment. Thank you!!!