This article has validated what I've already known about the problems regarding teaching children today. When I was a Waldorf teacher and now as an English as a Foreign Language (EFL) teacher I've experienced how teachers are to blame for what goes wrong in the classroom. It's no wonder that teachers are leaving the profession faster than ever before.

Consider this from (April 2019) The Guardian:

Around one in five teachers (18%) expect to leave the classroom in less than two years while two-fifths of teachers, school leaders and support staff want to quit in the next five years – blaming “out of control” workload pressures and “excessive” accountability, according to a poll by the country’s biggest teaching union. 

If you're looking for American statistics, here's one from (2018) Insider:

More than 40% of teachers leave the profession within five years, according to the National Education Association, leaving teacher shortages across the country.

Yes, I was asked to leave Waldorf, but one of the big reasons why was because I was considered too young (yup) and because it was perceived that my class was 'out of control'. 

At a language school, where I taught, the manager pretended that discipline problems didn't exist, so teachers stopped talking to him about the issues. This created, as you might imagine, more stress. Teachers felt their opinions, and observations from the classroom didn't matter. And unbeknownst to the manager, there was resentment towards him which could have easily been alleviated had he listened and believed his teachers. 

Discipline problems rarely have to do with the teacher or her teaching methods. Sure, there are things we can do, a tweak here or there. Sometimes we are unknowingly exacerbating a situation. But overall, misbehaving students will be the same students with different teachers.

Now, this isn't the case if we put a naughty student with different students. A bad seed in a good group can be counteracted or suppressed. I'm always amazed when I see peer pressure work in positive ways. Of course, a bad student can corrupt the rest or take a few down with them, too.

It's been my experience that after I've wrestled with the 'why is this student acting like this' that I treat the student with more compassion. But it's hard, especially in the teaching moment, to take a step back and try to figure out why a student is so desperate for attention. We have a tendency to believe that only the adults are walking around with baggage, but our students have issues as well.

So it's crazy to believe that the teacher is to blame for something bothering the student. And it doesn't even have to be a serious issue, sometimes diet is the problem, or lack of exercise, or someone just wanting to be the class clown. Sometimes someone isn't having only a bad day, but a bad month or year. Teachers are expected to wear many hats, and some of them are psychologist, doctor, and detective.

If we continue to blame teachers for society's problems, for individual growing pains and struggles, then we will continue to hemorrhage teachers. It's far better for the teacher and the student to work together as a team over any discipline issues that might arise in the classroom.

And if I've learned anything, what's good for the teacher is good for everybody, including the students and the school.

What's been your experience in the classroom?

“There’s the inability in this country to disentangle self-worth from career” – Christina Shideler

When I first started to share that I had written a book, it was hard to explain what it was about in that compelling ‘stuck in an elevator, you only have 2 minutes’ kind of way that everyone tells you to do.
I wish I had written what Christina succulently said because that’s the crux of it. I was a Waldorf teacher, believed in Rudolf Steiner’s philosophy, and when they told me, ‘hit the road, kid’, I was blindsided (but not really), and devastated (I’m better now).

Despite the book being published ten years after the event, I still did not have the distance or perspective to clearly see the book’s strengths. Or to understand that the cliche ‘getting fired and getting back up’ was a perfectly fine selling point. I wanted to be more literary or something, but really it comes back to recognizing that who we are is not necessarily what we do.

I think about this a lot. I contemplate mothers and fathers, and what would happen if their children died young. Not because I like to entertain dark thoughts, but because being a parent is an unbreakable connection and role that many feel completes them.

I contemplate my own role as a teacher (and I never thought I’d return to the profession), and how I constantly tell myself that I’m not really a teacher, or that my influence in this capacity is a minor one. Life changes, demands of us to move, and a career today can be gone tomorrow.


Thanks for being part of the conversation.

P.S. I decided that I'm worth than the bare minimum price that I put on Amazon (and the 23 cents in return), so I bumped up the cost of my Kindle and print book. And then, I finally put my ebook on Gumroad, and stopped giving my audiobook away for free. Must be all this talk about worth...

It's been three years since I published the missing teacher. It was a lot of work, but I had no idea how much more work would be required after the writing was finished.

Funnily, if I were to print the book today, I wonder in which ways it would be different because I feel I have grown and changed since I first decided to write about my experiences as a "failed" Waldorf teacher.

After all, I'm no longer a thirty-something woman; I'm a forty-something woman (!!!) with years of teaching now under my school belt. But I still appreciate the lessons, the people who impacted my life, and the fact that I've moved on. Yes! Most importantly, I've moved on.

These days I've been focusing on my second memoir, and I'm determined to do things differently. In other words, I want to be fearless in marketing and promoting my book. I was terrified to give this book the attention it deserved, but I still was thrilled by the reception it received. But I know for my latest endeavor, I can do better.

In the meantime, your support and interest still means a great deal. My book is available in print or on Kindle on Amazon.

You may also listen along on Gumroad. You can chose to download it for free, or you can purchase it for a low as $5 and up. You name your price.

Thanks. Your humble missing teacher,

Lani

Sometimes when I write, it feels like no one is listening. This also holds true when I feel trapped, depressed or deeply frustrated. Of course, I know I am not truly alone even when I’m physically by myself and sinking into dark thoughts. I’m not sure why I forget this.

Teaching feels very much the same way. When I’m in the classroom, I wouldn’t say it’s me against them, but I will recognize, I’m outnumbered. (And the smarter ones know it and capitalize on this.) We feel alone in our struggles for control. We can even feel alone when talking with our colleagues. Sometimes they can offer strong advice and other times nothing more than a sympathetic shrug or pat on the back.

I was surprised when I saw NPR’s review titled, Yet another teaching memoir? because I didn’t realize there were that many teaching memoirs. While I haven’t read Boland’s The Battle for Room 314, I can already relate to his struggles as a new teacher and his lofty idea to do good, not as a public school teacher per se, but as a private school one. On the surface there appears to be a wide variance between lower class/working class kids and privileged children, but I assure you, both groups have their challenges.

There is a reason why I quoted and resonated with Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers chapter on Langan and Oppenheimer. I recognized how much I misunderstood my well-to-do parents and how my own upbringing by an immigrant mom and working class family caused avoidable problems within my class and throughout the school.

You know, as much as the world these days is interested in race warfare, the true battle, in my opinion lies in class differences.

Yet hopefully, Boland’s book brings to light the (sometimes impossible) struggle teachers’ face in lieu of circumstances that have nothing to do with the job that we were originally asked to do – teach.

Recently, I wrote “write your memoir (even if only 10 people read it)” because very often we feel alone in our daily lives. It’s easy to feel like no one cares, but I believe our everyday stories are important. So, I wanted to write something encouraging. I’ve also been lucky enough to receive emails from folks who felt compelled enough to do so. Here are some examples:

When my blog was not yet a book...so encouraging!

I had no idea nursing school (or other disciplines) could be this negative, too.

Relating to others, having others relate to you, I feel like this is what it's about! Connections :)

A former public school teacher...

Wow. Thank you. I helped someone!

Teaching memoirs are fascinating because, like the topic of education, everyone has an opinion of them. We’ve all gone through school, so we’re all “experts” on the topic. Of course, that’s part of the problem, too.

There’s also a huge fight for public education going on in the U.S. that I’m not even sure if the American public is aware of. (*update: now that Trump has been elected, they are)

Stories from teachers all over the world give us insight into what is going on behind closed classroom doors. Educating our children is everybody’s business and yet, there seems to be less schooling going on and a lot more politics. And that’s scary – it feels so sci-fi to live in a world where free education is disappearing, where profits triumph over people, where the arts and creativity are being tossed aside for classes + majors that push us towards "work that makes money".

Teaching memoirs matter because it’s one of the rare times teachers have a chance to be heard. Hear me. Hear us. Yes, my story is about my experience about Waldorf education and getting fired, but it’s also about economics, how we treat one another – and the very real truth, we are all teachers.

While I still like the old book cover, I was never completely satisfied by it. Here's why:

// I underestimated how long it would take to design one. I felt rushed by the imaginary deadline I had given myself.

// Also, I didn’t realize how difficult it is to have a vision of what you want and then try to create it.

// Working with my b/f on this presented another learning curve as he has his own aesthetics and I have mine. Plus, neither of us knew what we were doing. Creating a book cover is truly its own art.

// Something else that bothered me was digitally the cover worked better than in print. When I received a copy of my book (when I flew back home to Hawaii), months after I had published it, the cover was significantly darker than the digital copy. I blame Createspace, if there is anyone to be blamed, because there is nothing wrong with the digital file. It’s vibrant and detailed, but I realize that a mass produced print service isn’t too concerned with this. That’s what your proof copy is for and since I don’t live in the US, this wasn’t really an option - it is what it is.

An early reader, however, was instrumental in catching a formatting issue inside the book. Thank you, Lani M!

For now, I’m keeping my audio book under the old cover. What do you think? Should I change it to be consistent? I think the audio book cover still looks good because it’s a square shape and shows the artwork better.

The new cover happened rather by accident. I was playing in Canva and noticed their book cover templates and went from there. I liked the soft almost transparent quality of the new cover so I asked the b/f if he could recreate it in Photoshop.

For the next book, I have a photograph in mind. The b/f told me to give it to him and let him play around with design ideas. I’m glad he’s getting into it because what a pain the rear end! Book covers are so important, but I’m not a designer (nor is he!). And I don’t want to go through a professional because I think it’s hard to find someone you can work with. I don’t know how web or logo designers do it.

One last thing. For one day only, January 14th the Kindle version of the book will be free in honor of the new cover + the 1 year anniversary. The audio book is always free (for now) or you can pay what you want, which works surprisingly well. Thanks everyone!

Have you got a book? Or are you planning one? What was your book cover process?

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When I realized I was writing a book, I knew I was going to have to create an audio as well. I fell in love with audiobooks when I was in college around the time I started driving long distances.

For {the missing teacher} I used a friend's recorder and a free editing program called Audacity. Originally I wanted to upload it to ACX, part of the Amazon empire, but it was rejected due to the extraneous noises such as birds chirping and crickets in the background. These noises are actually in only a handful of chapters, but I didn't want to re-record and deal with another unforseen roadblock.

While I appreciate and understand ACX's need for quality control, I felt what I delivered was clear and sounded above par many popular podcasts, frankly. I didn't have access to a studio nor did I have the pocketbook for such an undertaking. I did this on the cheap, learning as I went and throwing in a lot of time to make it work.

I also read about another author's headache with constantly having to re-upload all of her files/chapters individually and waiting to see if they were accepted. This was not what I wanted to be doing with my time.

In addition, I was not happy about the high prices that ACX charges for its audiobooks. The pricing depends on how long your book is and mine is about 11 and a half hours. It would have been around $25 USD, if not more. I decided to find another way. After all, I self-published my memoir. Surely I could run a little longer to find a home for my audiobook.

I'm glad I did. Gumroad offers exactly what I wanted and I'm fairly certain I haven't even tapped into all that they can offer. I uploaded my chapters, was able to move them around (because I forgot Chapter 23) with no problem. Then I later decided to attach an opening letter to go with the purchase which I did and I'm pleased with Gumroad's flexibility with my own product. Makes sense.

And just as good, I can name my own price. This took some figuring out since I wanted to offer it for free to a few people who expressed interest in the audio version when I made my big annoucement that my book was now available in print and on Kindle. You simply enter "0" zero when it asks you to give and viola, you can have it for free.

Now if folks want to they can donate or purchase it for however much they can afford. It can be a "pay what you feel" product and I really love that. So, right now, I'm offering {the missing teacher} for free or pay what you want.

Also, I have my book on Gumroad as a zip file or as individual files depending on what works best for you.

If you are interested you can sample the audiobook on YouTube and let me know what you think.

Lastly, my book reviews on Amazon. A big thank you to those who took the time to read and write a thoughtful comment.

My first-grade classroom.

When I interviewed for my Waldorf teaching position, I desperately wanted to stay in Oregon. And I really, really had my sights on Portland. So, I interviewed with a big strike against me. I knew what I wanted and I was blind to the warnings.

About a month ago, I was contacted by a lovely young woman (who I’ll call Nancy) about how to interview for Waldorf. Her inquiry made me wonder if there was much help out there as it appeared the school she was interviewing for didn’t give her much to go on. Her email also gave me this idea to write about it.

Specifically, Nancy wanted to know what the warning signs were. I think this can be difficult if you are anything like the younger/former me, full of enthusiasm, hope, and naiveté. So, the best advice I can give is to ask questions.

The funny thing about interviews is we are usually so anxious to be appealing that we forget that the school (or employer) is also on interview. And while I was proud of my questions like, “What’s this school’s biggest challenge?” I should have slowed down and written out a list of what I liked and didn’t like and shopped around much longer.

But let’s get back to those questions because I think it’s worth reading what the critics say. After all, if you are truly going to enter the World of Waldorf, I say take those blinders off and visit the argumentative territory. In training, we were not encouraged to do this. In fact, when I brought a list of challenging questions from one of my practicum teachers, most of the answers given were shaky and unsatisfactory.

Questions like: Is Waldorf a cult? One of the parents thinks lighting the candle is cultish and is concerned. How do you deal with faculty parents? How do you deal with bullies? and so on. He gave me quite a long list. Please don’t think that there aren’t Waldorf teachers who are aware of the problems and shortcomings of the educational philosophy.

In the end, since teacher training brushed off the questions, so did I.

Another interesting aspect of individual schools is: how much are they into Anthroposophy? When Nancy was sharing her experiences with a couple of schools, we both got the feeling that one school seemed very Anthroposphic and the other not so much. Now, I can’t tell you which is better or worst. Trembling Trees (where I worked) was confused by Steiner’s visions and beliefs - and it showed.

At the end of the day though, I think it comes down to taking a risk. As with any job, you just won’t know until you try. Of course, Waldorf is unlike any job out there…but that’s another story.

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Interviewing for a teaching position help: http://waldorfinspirations.com/index.php/grades/6th-grade/16-how-tos

Job board: http://www.waldorftoday.com/

Critics' concerns: http://www.waldorfcritics.org/concerns.html

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Have you ever interviewed for a Waldorf teaching position? What was your experience like?