I have this REALLY bad habit of hanging on to relationships that have long past met their expiry date, so I’m grateful I was fired. I can only imagine what I would have gone through next, in an attempt to please the parents and administration.
Of course, I knew this intellectually. But resentment, anger, confusion, pity, and depression are Imodium A-D like emotions. They are just symptoms of the problem.
This is going to sound weird, but getting fired gave me something to go after, to look for. I ran down many roads but at least I was being active. I had to figure out what went wrong. And I had to find something new to do with my life because Waldorf was a relationship, a place, a time in my life, I couldn’t go back to.
I mean that’s the good thing about bad things happening to us. It makes us question the status quo. What I’m thinking of is my father’s death, when I was six. His death forced me to think about religion, the afterlife, if it exists and so on.
I’m not saying it’s great when bad things happen. I don’t need to sing a song about it or get metaphysical. I’m just saying, getting fired made me THINK in new ways, in other ways and I was also able to relate to folks on another level. It was like being indoctrinated into a club of sorts. OH, you got fucked over too?
This story has been an interesting crossroads where folks have emailed me privately about some pretty personal stuff. Why? Because we’re in the same club. Or they’re worried about getting into the club. Now it’s not a club I was even looking to get into but all the same, it’s not a bad place to be because scars only last as long as you care to notice them.
And let’s face it. Waldorf is a little weird. I mean, c’mon. This is not to say there aren’t some excellent aspects to it. I was attracted to whole brain learning and I still am. The curriculum is alternative but really a throwback to a time when we actually believed in the importance of the ARTS.
But the anthroposophy stuff really needs to be taken in and scrutinized like any other philosophy. We can’t hide behind it or use it as an excuse for piss poor behavior. Don’t tell me it was my karma to get fired. And I won’t say it’s yours to be fat, ugly and stupid.
I know that sounds horrible. But it’s this simplification of KARMA or even the belief that I deserved this that makes me angry. Because to say that it’s your karma to be fired, [to be whatever] shows a real lack of compassion and in this global community, responsibility.
And don’t ever say it’s the child’s karma…
All this to say, I’m glad Waldorf didn’t work out. Getting fired gave me the chance to reevaluate a pedagogy, a belief system and an educational framework that needs to take a break from its dogmatic and exclusive tendencies. And - to ask myself, is this something I really want to be a part of?