I'd like to thank God, the Universe, the Holy Ghost and all his unholy friends for the lessons on forgiveness. But it's now time to stop, really. I'm okay. I get it. And I need a break.
The only reason why I think these incidences keep coming up is, I'm not very good at forgiveness. I mean, I'm not bad. Some might say, I'm very good! Because I can talk to my ex of 6 years after he cheated on me or because I have let go of my previous Waldorf experience.
But these kinds of forgiving deeds takes a lot of work. I journal everyday. And liken it to exercise, while it may feel good or self-indulgent in the moment, its effects are cumulative. I also read and listen to what is commonly referred to as “New Age” or “Self help” books – a lot.
Those are my greatest addictions, writing and reading those types of books. I like to make fun of this genre and I understand why folks are utterly turned off by that kind of material. But after I left home for college, I needed it. Also, reading about forgiveness and how to be a more compassionate person was much more my style than say, therapy.
I can't afford therapy and to be brutally honest, reading or listening to a book feels much more active to me. It's more private, too. And for whatever reason, I was drawn to a better way of thinking. I didn't want to be so negative (ah the teenage years), and I had some challenging experiences that needed sorting out before I had ever hoped of becoming a functioning adult.
So when the Waldorf thingy/firing/fiasco hit me like a softball in the face, I was already primed and ready for this next “lesson”. At the same time, everything that I thought I learned flew out of my mouth like teeth from a bad dream.
I found this quote and I don't care if it's from Gandhi, it sucks.