Most especially with a memoir, I wondered how I would end this blog of a book. Then when I was having dinner with a friend at Chiang Mai Gate, I started talking about the missing teacher and how I'm the kind of person who likes to solve a mystery.
He in turn mentioned the Rilke quote about living with the questions. This intrigued me. At least enough to look it up and think about it.
I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet
I'd like to think that I have done just that, lived my way to an answer. The answer though was a slippery fish, and I caught many with my bare hands. Some I tossed into my boat and others back into the water.
And as I receive more and more emails and comments about your stories and how our stories relate to each other, I feel I can only say this: I hope you find the answers and live with the questions too. Because by living with them I have grown into a better person.
I like myself more for having forgiven people who I have felt wronged me. Not in an arrogant or conceited way but in a gentler and softer way.
There are also so many more questions that I continue to live with that don't have to do with my Waldorf past but bigger questions about the direction of education today. What will our role be? And how can we better provide our children.
Then there are the smaller questions. At least they are smaller to others but for me it is a very big question, the question of romantic love.
As some of my readers have already discovered through reading my other blog, boy toy and I didn't work out. And that's another story, since love is another kind of education all together.